Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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