You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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