i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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