last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize