I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize