i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize