when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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