I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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