he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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