Sponge bath it is.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize