you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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