I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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