she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize