Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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