like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize