So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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