fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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