I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
COCAINE IS GR8
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize