"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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