everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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