its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
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Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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