R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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