So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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