woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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