guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize