If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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