Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize