well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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