Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
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Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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