I think I died a long time ago.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
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a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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