Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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