that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize