My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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