I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize