just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize