well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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