sarcasm needs its own font
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize