Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize