i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize