Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize