so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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