Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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