She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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