Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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