Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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