If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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