I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize