so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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