So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love having hate sex.
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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