the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
People in love make me want to vomit
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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