So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
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pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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